Don't have high expectations, and you won't ever be let down.

I want to have high expectations.

Ever since I started school, I have adored playing the part of the teacher. I set up an entire school room in my basement and scoured Goodwills for old textbooks. I begged my siblings to sit still for more hours of "school" after they got home from "real school" and even had a treasure box to reward those especially good students!

As I've gotten older and come to realize the other considerations that play into a career choice, I've debated the teaching profession. The salary, (sometimes) lack of prestige, never-ending work, and persnickety parents were all factors that led me to reconsider. But, I couldn't envision myself truly waking up excited for any of the other jobs.

So, naturally, I have high expectations for the path I've chosen. I expect that I'll wake up every morning thrilled to be in the classroom. I expect that my students will always make me laugh, giggle, and be excited to learn. I expect that I'll have fun at school everyday, something that is impossible in any other job I could have chosen.

And I'm scared that I'm wrong. This semester I've been in the school about three days a week. I'm starting to get a good feel for what it's all about, and it's not quite living up to my expectations. Don't get me wrong, I'm still enjoying it, but I'm just scared it won't be exactly as I've envisioned teaching.

Next semester, I'll student teach. I'm not going to lie. I'm petrified about student teaching. How will I ever be excited to teach every day if I'm starting out petrified? I'm scared the kids won't learn anything, I'll completely lose control of the classroom, my teacher will think I'm completely incompetent, I'll loose a student somewhere between homeroom and the cafeteria, or I'll simply burn out before I even graduate.

I'm excited, but the petrified feeling has pretty much taken over as I'm closely approaching student teaching. Why? I know I have the potential to do it, but somewhere along the way, I've lost my confidence.

I'm hoping that student teaching will be scary for a little bit, but end up reaffirming my desire to teach. I think of myself as an optimist, so I'd rather not go into this with low expectations. I want to go in with high expectations for myself, my class, my chosen profession.

The vulnerability scares me.

But it's a risk I'm willing to take.